Here's That Poem I Was Talking About

You


I gotta admit, when I first met you, I didn’t really pay attention. All I really thought was, “Gosh, he has a big nose.” But as the year went on, and changed into the next, I started to notice you. And I could notice, that you were noticing me too. So I go to this all day thing. You’re there. We spend the day together and you walk me home. We’re hugging and looking at each other. Then you say something I can’t quite hear. I think I'm going crazy, cuz I think I just heard you ask, “Can I kiss you?” I’m thinking this can’t be real, so I dumbly ask, “What?” You immediately say what back, and then you kiss me. My first kiss.



A month goes by and you end it. Saying we barely see each other, which is true. You’re my first boyfriend and you break up with me a week before my birthday. I walked home crying, only later to find out that I was a rebound.



A year goes by and so does a two more boyfriends. We still talk. You walk me home one day after practice. We kiss, but things don’t go beyond that. We’re too busy and things wouldn’t work.



So another year goes by and then a few more month. I'm with someone new. I'm happy even though he gets me mad a lot. We still talk. Then one day you tell me you can’t do this anymore. You can’t talk to me while I'm with someone else because you think you LOVE me. This comes as a shock to me. I don’t know what to do or say. I mean, I can’t break up with my boyfriend just for you when I'm not completely sure how I feel. Can I?



Two days pass. I'm a block away from your house. And I start to cry. I text you, telling you I can’t handle this. I need you in my life in some way, shape, or form. And you agree.



The next day, my boyfriend says something so stupid and gets me so mad, that I break up with him…



That Wednesday, I go to your house and find out and get to feel what love is. And I got to feel that love almost every day that we were together. But then my parents got involved. You see, I was never allowed to date, so we should have never been together in the first place. We both knew that, but we didn’t care. So my parents tell me that I'm never allowed to see you again.



For that entire summer, my heart was crushed. But I slowly got over it. I slowly got over the one guy I ever truly thought loved me.



Summer ends. Its college time now. I'm out on my own and out from under my parent’s control. I'm free to do what I want to do and when I want to do it. The first thing I do, is go see you. We sit by a school and we talk. Then we go to your house. And I go to your house a few times after that. We wind up making out at this one party where no one can really see us. This isn’t what we use to have, but it’s ok, because I have you.



Then a few days after the party, you call me up. Saying that what we’ve been doing isn’t a good idea and that we should stop. I don’t argue. Everything’s cool. Thinking we can still be friends.



Yet another month goes by. We haven’t talked. And I wonder why. You don't respond to my text anymore. I just wanna know why. So I text you with a different number. You actually respond. But when you find out it’s me, you’re mad. I ruined your day. You tell me that you haven’t responded because you don’t want to talk to me. You say that we were never friends. You did not. And do not like me. And for me not to text you again. WHAT. THE. FUCK. After all the shit that we’ve been thru. After all the pain that was caused. You’re telling me that you never even liked me? Bull Shit! You know what? I don’t give a fuck anymore. You’re not gonna hurt me ever again.



Then a few weeks later, I find out from a friend, that back in September, you had a girlfriend. I was pissed beyond words. So I completely ignored the fact that you existed.



Months go by. I've forgiven and let go. Haven’t seen or talked to you. Not even a thought in my mind. I'm starting to get my life back in order. Just letting go of the baggage of bull shit that I've been carrying form the past year. I'm finally begging to be happy again.



So I'm texting a friend. Everything’s cool. We’re catching up. Then they ask me if I've talked to you lately. My heart freezes. I say no and wind up telling them the whole story about why we don’t talk anymore. Only to find out that you told them the exact same thing. With one difference. You told them that you found no point in talking to me anymore and that you felt like you were using me. All I could think was, “Damn right you were using me!... But I don’t care anymore.” I'm told that you’re not doing so good. I text you the next day. Telling you I hope you’re okay.



A few days later, I go to this thing. You’re there. And then I find out that you wrote a poem. You don’t even know that I'm there, and I'm standing there listening to this poem, only to realize that it’s about me. How the hell are you going to write a poem about me after I send you one little text hoping you’re okay??? But at the same time, I gotta admit, even though I haven’t seen or spoken to you, that when I saw you, I still smiled, and my heart angst a bit. The truth is, after everything we’ve bee thru, we just don’t fit.

New Beginnings ^_^

So, over the past year, my life has been filled with one shit storm after another. It all started a year ago today, when I started dating the guy I thought I would love forever. But he broke my heart a month later and left me to pick up the pieces by myself. The good thing that came out of that horrible situtation was a best friend, my best friend, Adrian. I had dated Adrian the summer before and we were still friends. When I got my heart broken in the worst possible way, he was there. He helped me thru it all and we grew close. I could not imagine life with out him anymore. I slowly got over that break. Very slowly actually. i just fully and completely got over him last week when I saw and spoke to him. After I did that, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I started to smile again.

This week has just been a roller coaster ride for me. Getting over one ex after another. Yes, there was another ex that was involved in this shitty year. This story is much longer since i've known the guy for almost for years. Well, long story short, this guy broke my heart too, but in many different ways. I thought I was over him until I went to this open mic night that a friend had invited me to. He was there and it turns out that he had written a poem about me. It talked about how he was over me and never needed me in his life. I was seriously upset when I heard it. Funny thing is he didnt even know I was there until I passed by him to give an old friend a hug.

His poem wasnt even that long, but it still effected me. Set my happiness back a little. But the friend I hugged suggested that i go to the next open mic night and let it all out. I intended on reading something I had written before, but Im not sure anymore. I sorta took his advise and wrote a poem to let it all out. Longest poem I've ever written. I'll post it up when I actually type it out.


The poem really helped me with what i was feeling and turned my week back around. ^_^
And to top my week off, I met this really awesome guy thru my roommate, Ellis. I sorta think he's the male version of me. XD lol He's might be coming up here from Georgia and staying with us for a while. I cant wait. >,< Its been a long while since I've met someone like him. Way too long. He's one of the few ppl that I know of that can make me blush. He's the sweetest and nicest guys I've known so far in my life. And it makes me happy just to know him. He's really cute too! XD I hope my life continues on this course its chosen at the present. Im rather enjoying it and i wouldnt want it to change. ^_^


If ya'll want see me preform the poem I wrote, here's the info:
And you dont hav to give a full $5 donation but it will help our community if you do.

Da bitch is bk! XD lol

ANYWAYS!!! XD Its college time ppl!
It been yrs since i used dis thing.
Took me a while just 2 log in. lol
Well, Im bk cuz my roommate wanted me 2 blog.
I only use 2 use dis 4 homework assignment sophmore yr.
Which i barely use 2 do any. ^_^ lol